When Is It Appropriate to Take Care of Other People's Feeling? HD

Cathy: Do you feel obliged to take care of other people? When is it appropriate to look after someone else’s feeling? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/ Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/ and we got the memo today coz we’re wearing shirts that are almost the same color if you haven’t noticed it. Cathy: Almost, yeah, yeah. Reid: And uh a nice purple orchids in the background there. I think this is very artistic. Cathy: It is very artistic. Now let’s see if we can be artistically vocal. Reid: Artistically vocal? So taking care of people’s feelings, when is it appropriate? Cathy Vartuli, go. Cathy: If you’re someone who always like, I was raised that we were always supposed to take care of your other people’s feelings and that if anyone felt the release but batter on me it was my fault. So it’s important to just look where you come, where you’re coming from, is it a knee-jerk reaction. Okay. Reid: Some weird family thing. Cathy: Yeah, in my family that was a thing and you know like, I now it’s okay like I try to remember not to jump in to that pattern again and like is this the a yes for me? Grounding exercise are really useful http://www.thrivingnow.com/grounding-exercises/ where you just like, come back to yourself come back to your present, feel your toes on the floor, what’s right for me in this moment, do I want to be there with this person and you get to change your mind or do I want to take care of myself in another way, so I think asking yourself in the moment, it this a yes for me and mean you’re practicing so you can say hey I know you’re having feelings right now, I’m really sorry that you know feels like looks like’s it’s really intense and I’m not available for to process with you right now, like you know, just want to let you know hope you feel better, you know that kind of thing. Practicing is hard, it’s hard to say that when someone’s having intense emotions. We’re never obligated to take care of someone else unless we have small children or maybe we’re caring for someone who’s incapacitated or elderly then there might be times where we need to show up if we don’t want to but I think for the average person it’s like even though you’re married for 30 years like honey, I can tell you’re having feelings about that, I think you should find someone else right now because I’m not available for that. Reid: Yeah. You neither. I can be a cheerleader but not your therapist. Cathy: Right. Reid: Got it. Yeah I would say and then also you know when you have to take care of somebody for whatever reason, can you ask for support? Cathy: Yeah. Reid: Like what can you do to either get a reprieve or break and get some of your own personal needs met, can you source you know friends, community, family to help you so that you’re not the only person that this other person must depend on, Cathy: Yeah. Reid: Coz that can feel like a situation that you can’t escape from and also can feel you know