Rufus- Innerbloom (Dance By Jess) HD

Life has often been something I’ve had to work at to remain happy, or at least content. I know i’m not the only one. I feel for anyone who experiences this. When I was 18, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and social anxiety.. Yep you name it. I had it. It was the hardest time of my life. I didn’t want to exist. I can’t think how many times i’ve said to my mum in tears, “I’m too sensitive for this world.” Sensitive to my environment, emotions and the feelings of those around me. I used to despise myself because of it, but my sensitivity has allowed me to get in touch with my creativity. I am no longer suffering to that extent, but life can been tough at times. We all go through challenges. On New Year’s Day this year I found myself being escorted from a music event in tears. I was having a panic attack due to some awful news. As I was leaving I wondered how it had gotten to this point? And it hit me.. I’d let it happen. I spent much of last year floundering around, feeling out of place, doing things that aren’t aligned with who I really am, with a few people who didn’t have my best interests at heart. Halfway through last year though, I decided I needed to change. I wanted to do the things that light me up inside. Although the progress is slow and the beginning of this year has been a nightmare, focusing on the things I love has helped me through it. Making this video was one of the best highs of my life. It has shown me how far I have come from that depressed, ashamed, terrified shell of a human being I once was. I have found a way to focus my sensitivity into the things I love. Dance, art, singing and making films are what light up my soul, and for this reason, I’m starting a Youtube channel. Dancing and film-making are some of my greatest joys. When I’m dancing I’m able to “free my mind…all the talking.” For so long I felt it was wrong to share myself with the world, for fear that people may judge, and they might, but I refuse to let that stop me anymore. The thing is we ALL have a story and we ALL have incredible talents and passions that should be shared. That thing you love doing that you’re afraid to share, because you think other people are probably better at it, that you’re not good enough... that’s exactly what the world needs right now. Sure people might also be good at it, but there’s only one you and what you create will be unique to you! Our planet can appear a pretty dark place at times, but we can spread light by doing what we love, no matter what that is. Yeah I know it sounds corny, but stuff it. It’s bloody true. I’ve always feared failing and worried about what people will think and yet, here I am “giving all that I got”, dancing like no one is watching. In public. Completely free. To anyone who is suffering with mental health problems, my heart goes out to you. Don’t give up. When you’re suffering with depression it feels like you will never feel anything other than hopelessness, but it is possible to change